Nora

Just a few more days and I will be off on my Spring Break. One of the things I am looking forward to is spending time with my niece. She turn two this month and we will celebrate her birthday this coming Saturday. Coincidentally this Saturday also marks my sister’s birthday, Nora’s mother. Nora’s birthday is actually in March 18th, but the impending arrival of Nora’s brother has made her recommend to her mommy that they celebrate her birthday a little early this year.

I am excited to spend some time with her as I have not seen her since Christmas. She is growing fast and now I will be able to have a conversation with her. Previous visits have been a little tough as I have to rebuilt the rapport with her as she forgets who I am since she doesn’t get to see me often. But I have faith in my charms and her good cheers.

Christmas 2008!

Christmas 2009!

Me an myself!

I went back to my first blog and looked at some of my first posts. I thought it would be worthwhile to repost some of my thoughts from October 2005 with an update. Think of it as a revised edition of my mind. The black contains the original posting and the blue represents my comments.

Here’s the quote of the day:

“Never hire an electrician with no eyebrows!” Principle still stands!
The week is over. Or maybe it is just beginning. (I see that even back then I was able to sink the virtual pen deep into the well of pithy sayings) I was sitting down at lunch and I asked if we were in week 8 of school. It’s actually week 10. Where did all the time go? Sometimes I feel I should be a lot smarter considering all the time I spend in classes. In fact I’ve been feeling less and less knowledgeable especially after my Historical Theology class. Speaking of which, my professor for that class canceled our final exam (6 page essay). He is now my favorite prof.

Five years later, I am still surprised how fast the semester goes by. Also, I now have a College degree and am months away from a beefy Masters degree and I still feel knowledgeable. What I have learned is to allow that feeling to humble me. I will never know everything but I can learn dependance upon the One who does know everything.

Questions for the week were: [here we go. I am amused by some of these. I can’t remember exactly what was going on in my life at that time but it probably involved me interacting with charismatics, liking a girl and as usual slighting myself. 2010 Filip will now answer 2005 Filip]

2005 Filip: Am I filled with the Holy Spirit?;
2010 Filip: Well Filip, I can tell you that in the next years you will discover the presence of the Holy Spirit in your life. You will not be speaking in tongues, yet, and there will still be plenty of work left to do.
2005 Filip: Is God enough for me?
2010 Filip: Yes, come here, let me give you a hug!
2005 Filip: How far am I from what God has planned for me?
2010 Filip: Actually you’re not very far. God is more interested in who you are than what you are doing. Plans may change (and they will) but the vision remains the same!
2005 Filip: Should I ask her out?
2010 Filip: No! just walk away man. Pursue instead a mentorship with Joshua Harris. Also, start working on the “favorite Uncle” act.
2005 Filip: Should I be up this late? Should I say that? Should I go there? Should I fear that? the best one: should I write here???
2010 Filip: You need to think stop asking so many questions and learn how to rest. Work on being comfortable with being by yourself. Actually you should look for a job where you get to walk through empty buildings late past midnight. That will help for sure. Keep talking but stop slighting yourself so much. Believe in yourself. And tell your friends you need their affirmation and encouragement. And yes! You should write here!

Yes, you did just read a conversation between me and myself!!! Think of it as getting in the mode for the

I might have borrowed this quote from somewhere but I think I came up with it. Regardless I would like to rekindle the conversation I tried to get started back then. Below my answers I pasted on answer I received back then. I would love to hear your thoughts. Do you agree or disagree with my affirmation?

Ok I’ll close with a quote and challenge you readers to comment on it:
“Marriage is like a tattoo!”
Here’s what I think:
- you need to think carefully if you get one because you are going to have it or marks of it for the rest of your life;
- decide what kind of tattoo, where are you getting it (on your body)?
- it is very painful to remove;

Crawling

A few years back I was catching up with a good friend. He told me about this new music he was listening to. I had heard of Linkin Park before but I had never really paid attention to their music. I was surprised, to say the least, that my friend would be listening to that style of music. I guess living in America for six years can move a person from Vali Pentea (you Romanians should know who I am talking about; for Americans think an uncreative version of the Gaithors) to POD or even Linkin Park. Anyway, my friend told me about their lyrics and strognly suggested I listen to their songs. He even played one for me in his car, but the loud and seeming chaos that blended the notes and instruments together prevented me from hearing the lyrics. I smiled and nodded so as to not cause my friend to feel uncomfortable and placed Linkin Park in the back of my mind.

Last week I was driving to a meeting and I was deeply immersed in confusion and what seems to be the chorus of this past school year: Once again I found myself in a battle against… myself. I will spare you the details but as I was talking out loud with myself, this song was playing in the car:

“Crawling“

Crawling in my skin

These wounds they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real

There’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface

Consuming/confusing

This lack of self-control I fear is never ending

Controlling/I can’t seem

To find myself again

My walls are closing in

(without a sense of confidence and I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take)

I’ve felt this way before

So insecure

Discomfort,endlessly has pulled itself upon me

Distracting/reacting

Against my will I stand beside my own reflection

It’s haunting how I can’t seem…

As fear was knocking at the door I stopped to listen to the song. For the first time I was able to understand the song. That is not to say that I appreciate the noise or style. But, I think it accurately depicts the effects of fear. Fear confuses what is real; fear creates noise inside your head; it makes your inside scream. Perennial wounds that confuse reality. And in all that you loose control of your state of mind, you lose your joy and all that is left is a brain scratching noise. Just like the sound, there is a voice that screams blocking out the melody blocking out the other voice.

This song serves at best as a distorted but brutally honest lament.

One night Jesus tells his disciples to get into a boat and cross the Sea of Galilee. They walk into a storm, the boat is taking water, and Jesus is … sound asleep. The disciples are terrified by the noise, crippled by the distorsion of the strom their doom is inevitable. They do not hear the peaceful rhythm of Jesus’ sleeping breath. They wake Him and His response gives us the solution to this song… “Peace, be still!” He then asked the disciples: “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” Under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit Mark goes on to describe two miracles that both depict the faith of two individuals amidst fearful and unbelieving people (see Mark 5).

The song will end, the dissonant tune will be silenced and the fear will turn into crippling loneliness. Our response must be that of the disciples. In the midst of the storm of fear we cry for the One who can bring peace and bring a great calm into our hearts. His words alone can cease the winds of self-deprecation and bring in “a great calm” (Mark 4:39).

The Lost Supper

Lost was the first show I watched on American Television. During my years at Moody I did not have direct access to a TV so I gladly gave it up for a while. Then one Christmas I was introduced to Season 1 by my sister and brother-in-law. I watched the first season in 3 days. After Five seasons I believe it might be the best TV show out there. I enjoy the entertainment and the suspense. What strikes me most is the web intertwining of the lives of the characters and the messiness of their lives. There is a dire quest for meaning in their lives, some are running away from the law, family, or their past. And the island has a plan for all of them.

The Promotional Pictures for Season 6

This might come across as heretical or blasphemous. That need not be, since the original Lost Supper painting is neither divinely inspired nor historically accurate. Nevertheless, make no mistake, the writers of Lost are not simply imitating Da Vinci’s painting or other TV Shows. The multiple versions of the painting re-enacting all mean different things. Is it potential outcomes of the time defying island adventure? Is it clues as to where the show is heading. Oh man, so many questions. Only 14 days until the beginning of the final season.

Here are the pictures:

Missing people are coming back, couples are reunited, smiles are restored or…

all eyes pointed toward “He who will save us all!”

So far this show has been very stimulating. I expect nothing less as the seek to tie loos ends in the final season. And they have quite a few to tie.

I remember the 90s but where did the 00s go?

I remember the beginning of the year 2000 with large amounts of ink spilled and many conversations revolving around the exact date of the beginning of a New Millennium. Mathematically, it is true, the new Millennium did not start until 2001, but for all practical reasons the 1900s were a done deal. Even though I concede to the mathematical principle, it is undeniable that the 00s are behind us. Gone are the New Year celebration with the traditional oo glasses; Gone are the college years, the years of innocence and day dreaming about days to come. The future is here!

As I was pondering on the 00s at the turn of the year, I realized that it was the first decade that I truly remember most of the events that happened both in my life and in the world. If I think back on the 1990s, I can recall events here and there. I remember the Soccer World cup in Italy in 1990. I distinctly remember the mascot. I remember finishing 1st grade and the unfortunate ending of my first school crush, Luiza. It all seemed perfect, we had matching glasses but she chose to share her life and 2nd grade with Radu. Then I remember moving into a new house in ‘93. I remember a trip to England and then fun of riding my first BMX bicycle. I remember starting highschool in ‘98, and the scare I gave my mother that I would not get in. Truth be told I hadn’t studied much for the entry exam. I remember many mornings driving to school with my sister and hearing the delightful dreams she had had the prior night. All in all I remember it sporadically and the years are reduced to one or two memories. Bottom line is that the 1990s were good years.

The 00s are a different story. Even though I was born in the 80s (sounds weird to write it), I think the 00s represent the first decade that I fully realize my existence. I can count my own memories of the 80s on my fingers. The ones from the 90s would fit on a couple of pages of a notebook. But the 00s are a different story. They are the years I discovered my identity, the years I made big decisions about the future. The 00s are the years that I realize that I will probably be making these kind of decisions for the rest of my life. Nevertheless, the picture is clearer, I remember more things. I remember playing a key role (or so I think) in deciding two presidents; I remember world politics. I remember where I was and what I was doing when I heard about 9-11; I remember moving to a different house. I remember finishing High School and moving to Bucharest. During this decade I planted some friendship seeds that will likely last a lifetime. Sadly, under various circumstances I have lost some friends also. And this time it hurt, it was just that Mircea and I were no longer at the same High School.

The 00s were good years when I realized the responsibilities of life. Someone, sometime decided that the age of 18 is a good age to decide what to do for the rest of your life. I showed them by dreaming high. I said “America or bust!” In a country that discouraged big dreams, I thought I was showing them!!! Nevertheless, they were good years. This decade was the decade I started life on my own. I left everything familiar and hopped on a plane across the Ocean. Like I said, I encountered the weight of life’s responsibilities. But at the same time I had fun. I made my own schedule, I stayed up as late as I wanted to, I drank as much Dr. Pepper as I desired. The 00s were my 20s and I had fun.

The 00s were also tough years. I spent most of them healing over my mother’s death and coming to grips with the reality that she won’t be around for the rest of my life. Eight years are enough to begin that healing process. These years have often been lonely times, away from family and familiar places. But amidst strangers and a land of opportunity I began to see a glimpe of God’s redemption, to see him bringing people in my life that would love me and care for me just as my family. Women who became mother figures, godly men who served as mentors and brothers and sisters who encouraged and affirmed me. Yes all that in just a decade.

The 90s went by slow at times, waiting to go to High School. waiting to turn 18 and drive, wanting more freedom and constantly being told to wait. And then the 00s came and with it came freedom. But something happened. Things started to move faster. Yes, I remember more things about my last decade but it all seems like several blinks of the eye. Where did it all go to? And is this a sign that from now on things are going to flash by faster? Will I type a few more entries and then we’ll be in 2020?

A New Beginning

Why a new blog?

Some of you have been tracking with my blog on Xanga. With only 4 posts in the last 6 months, that blog seems to have died out as it no longer satisfied my desires for a writing outlet and means of connecting with others, I have sought out a new blogging website and I have landed on wordpress. Once again I am indebted to my brother-in-law, honorable Reverend Nathan D. Loucks. When it comes to all things cool and wise in my life I owe it all to him. As I am looking at the changes coming up in my life, I want to redesign my blog to be a means of maintaining contact with my friends that have tracked with me for the last 7 years. By and large, my blog will contain random snippets of my days and brief snapshots of what God is doing in my life. But I also want to broaden the website with more information about myself, the road ahead, and maybe even some resources (sermons, videos, and pictures).

Tabs

One of the reasons I chose WordPress was the ability to put some tabs at the top of the page. I am still working on the website, but you should find some tabs that offer general information about myself as well as more specific things such as recent sermons, pictures and random things that describe who I am.

Means of Interaction

Many of you know that I am in my last semester in Seminary. After 7 years of Bible School in America, my desire to return to Romania has not stayed the same as it was when I landed in August 2003. In fact it has increased and materialized. Consequently I am now making some serious steps to arrange my return to Romania. I am not sure about the exact timetable, as I am waiting on some answers on the Lord, but I wish to use this new blog to send updates of the opportunities, needs and progress of plans. So if you want to keep in touch with me, you can check back here periodically or subscribe to the RSS feed (click on the red square on the top right of this page).

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit ofilip.com and I look forward to interacting with you through this new avenue.